So I just got done watching a 3 hour marathon of shows on Discovery Channel, Food Network, and … something else. The main highlight was a series called “Human Body: Pushing the Limits”. A show on the Discovery Channel detailing how our bodies have developed and advanced themselves to take on amazing feats when needed and survive some of the most extreme situations and I got to thinking… here I am, sitting on 50 million years of evolutionary perfection. My body is capable of regulating itself to the point of being able to enter survival mode on a seconds notice, burning excess calories and fat if I should go without food. It will force me to sleep to repair itself. It can absorb shock, magnify its strength, and agility in dire situations. This body, my body, the vessel of my consciousness is the ultimate survival portal. This thing that I only have a limited amount of conscious control over really is the peak of perfection, one of nature’s greatest marvels.

And here I am, stuffing my face with cornbread and chocolate squares eating myself literally to gluttony, sitting on the couch for 3 hours, watching TV after an excruciating day at work of sitting in front of a computer.

As I looked down at my gut spilling out over my waistline, wondering how I managed to drop and keep off 30 pounds for more than 2 years. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly proud of that accomplishment. It was definitely a lifestyle change that helped me to do that, and it’s certainly opened up other aspects in my life. I can safely say I’m more adventurous with cooking, as I’ve made some very healthy and very tasty dishes with food that I would definitely never have eaten before, and I certainly look forward to exercise, most of the time. I can do more now and I have more self confidence. And well, shit, I definitely LOOK better.

But I certainly have slacked off. Before Christmas of 2007, I was 180 pounds. I have not weighed 180 pounds since 10th grade. I gained 5 pounds over the course of the trip back and have been fighting it since then, keeping a food log, dropping weight, giving up the food log, gaining it back, getting frustrated, and repeating the cycle. I just lost the drive to continue improving my general newfound health. I continued to tell myself that this was it, this a new day, this time was going to be different. I’m going to push hard towards my goal weight and that was that! Well, that never happened. I think I’ve needed to refocus on something for a while, because these general attitudes I have towards commitment for improvement are fleeting to say the least.

Now, I’m hoping that’s where this show can guide me. I find that my interest is piqued into exactly what my body is capable of, and how far I can push it, and what it can accomplish. It’s a symbiotic relationship, really, between myself and my body. I don’t know if I ever really understood that or took it for what it was. I’d like to know what it’s like to be conditioned like an athlete. I want to know how it feels to be stronger, more agile, and endurance.

I know what the human body is capable of, but I want to find out what my body is capable of, and I know that starts with two things, both equally important: provide the right kind of energy for the task at hand, and break down the mind barriers that stop me from pushing myself to new heights. I really want this to happen, so I’m going to do my best to focus on it over a long period of time, and whatever physical body changes come from that will follow naturally.

It’s time to stop concentrating on the scale. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve beaten the scale. I’ve lost a significant amount of fat, it shows, and I’ve been able to keep it off for a long period of time. It’s safe to say I will never allow myself to be over 185 pounds again. Now I have to work on my mental strength. I think it’s the next thing I have to conquer, and I think this is really the first time I’m recognizing that.

I want to push. I want to be able to go beyond what I thought possible. I want to be strong. I want to know.