Dear Body:

We’ve been together for the past 29 years, you and I, and around 20 years of that time I have something to apologize to you for. I have been poisoning you since I’ve been 9 years old, and have never allowed you to reach your potential. In fact, I’ve done worse, I have limited your ability to do anything at all, and I have been killing you, slowly. Thankfully, you adapted, you regenerated, and you put up with my providing you garbage amazingly well. You have never gone on strike, and you hardly ever complained. Over the past few years, I thought I had been doing you good, been feeding you correctly, and been pushing your limits without hurting you. I feel that I have been mistaken. Recently, you may have noticed that I have drastically changed my diet, and you have been able to start repairing damage I’ve done to you over the course of my life, and that you have been able to start burning the fat that you’ve been storing for me, in case I ever had the need. You may have noticed I’ve been pushing you to your limits as well, in fact, I know you have, because there have been times you’ve said to me “woah, slow down, I’ll catch up, just give me a sec!” and I’ve noticed you’ve enjoyed it. You may have noticed, also, during this time, on occasion, I have gone back to my ways of overloading you with poison, only to return to a more pleasant intake of food soon after. You’ve let me know you are not happy with this cycle, and do not appreciate being poisoned anymore. I ignored you for 2 weeks, believing that I could simply eat you into quiet submission on some occasions. Yesterday was one of those days, and you finally said “enough is enough” and you went on strike. It carried over this morning when I tried to take you out for your morning exercise when you clearly let me know that if I was not going to feed you correctly, you were no longer under obligation to perform. Message received loud and clear. However, I have needs too, so we must find a compromise. I propose the following: I will immensely reduce the amount of garbage that gets put into you, and attempt to make it somewhat useful to you. In return, you will perform your duties in an optimal fashion and realize that occasionally, you will have to filter out things you may not enjoy. I will attempt to keep these things to a minimum, as I understand you’ve put up with it for longer than your fair share. I think you will find these conditions acceptable, and I believe with them in place, we can achieve great things. I look forward to continuing our relationship over the next several decades.

Yours Truly,

The Mind.